Worrying about what others might think of us is something we all go through. Often it starts at home, when our parents teach us to behave and dress in a certain way. Then of course there’s the mainstream media, advertising and our peer group. All these things get inside our heads; often we find ourselves preoccupied with worrying about what random people might think of who we are and what we’re doing.
The struggle to let go of the meaning we give to others’ opinions is one that’s important to win, yet not so easy to do. This is something many of us know far too well, and when we’re caught up in what others might think of us, we often limit ourselves and behave unnaturally. Instead of being focused on what we do, our attention wanders to ‘them’. The funny thing is, that this undefined group is often not even the ‘them’ whose opinions we care about. We become afraid of what ‘they’ might think about what we do, think, wish and feel. Our own personal development goals get neglected.
And yet, to not care at all what others think can leave us in a cold and lonely place. A place where the only thing that matters is what I think and the entire world of people around me seems to have no meaning.
How can we find the balance between not caring what others think but still caring about things at the same time? Can we learn how to improve self confidence and at the same time find a way to accept that people will always have an opinion and we must allow that to be there; yet not let it take away our confidence, freedom, individuality and choices? How can we choose between the people who have something valuable to say and those who don’t?
I remember worrying about what others might say or think about me as a child. The younger I was, the less it bothered me, but even then I remember how situations could shift in matter of seconds when I realized that somebody was actually watching me. I could have all the fun possible, but if somebody mentioned something I did, I then realized that besides the experience I had, there were also others who might look at me and have something to say about it.
But I also remember the moments where all of this didn’t matter. Moments where I was fascinated by something, totally immersed in it, a part of it, and this awareness of other people’s observations was gone. In these moments, life was just what I experienced – magical moments of enjoyment and belonging, and really feeling a part of the world around me. These were my moments of personal growth.
Those are the moments I collect and hold onto and in some way, they are the only moments that actually count – real moments of silence, freedom and being myself. Moments where the experience is much bigger than what anybody has to say about it – full of the richness and intensity of what is happening and what may come out if it.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s a conversation, painting, cooking, practising an instrument, running, or writing. When we are fully immersed in whatever it is that we are doing, we experience our creativity, our heart and our potential. In these moments our minds are blissfully quiet.
The question is – can we create that experience on purpose? Can we not care about others’ opinions without pushing them away from our life? Can we find the balance between listening, being inclusive, and wanting to belong, while at the same time having our own voice, opinion and path?
I find that the real challenge is in creating those moments on purpose and turning them into a way to live life. It’s about staying loyal to our own perception of things, and staying clear and focused. It’s about becoming confident in ourselves and our view of life while at the same time also caring about the opinions of others.
The opinion of others does matter. It might change our path, it might affect the direction we are heading in, it might add even more to our life than we could imagine; just as our own opinion matters and can influence our surroundings, our friendships and the projects we’re involved with. There is a beauty in finding this balance and while listening to others, still being able to act as the individuals we are and continue moving toward our goals.
Like other people’s thoughts about us, our past also influences us, it moves us, it’s part of us but at the same time, we don’t have to be committed to continue the road it has designed for us. We can choose to change or extend our own journey, our path, or our direction.
Being confident enough to do all of this also means that we can intentionally ask for the opinions that matter to us, with the aim that this will give us a different perspective, help us focus, or make our work better. When we walk our own individual and authentic way, we can let others’ opinions, wishes and points of view accompany us and in the process, enrich our own path.
